For a while, my only focus has been on my health. The constant worry, the confusion, the endless questions. Will I ever get better? Will I ever be able to enjoy the things I used to? Will I be able to go back to work?
I can’t answer the first 2 questions with certainty, but I can say that I’m finally able to close one chapter and start another. Something quite amazing has happened over the last few weeks. I’ve seen a lot of improvement in my health, physically that is. The pelvic pain, although still present at times, isn’t as noticeable nor anywhere near as debilitating as it was previously. I feel a little less tired, I’ve seen some small improvements in my digestion, and I feel well enough to say something that I’ve been looking forward to for a while – I’m ready to go back to work!
I know, it’s scary. And it’s a huge thing. I really didn’t think I would be well enough to start work this year, and yet here I am, currently waiting to start a nursery apprenticeship. Just being able to say that I got to this place is a big accomplishment for me. I can even go as far as to say that I am a little proud of myself.
Even though I’m still not 100 percent, I’m going to try and get there. I’m keeping my mind focused on what is it I want. After feeling so low for such a long time, all I want to find from this is just a bit of happiness if I’m honest. I want to feel like I have some purpose and a reason to get up each morning and get through each day. Up until this point I have been doing that but it hasn’t been easy. I’ve felt bored with life, uninspired, unexcited by a lot of things. I’m hoping to turn that around and find more enjoyment out of everyday things, talk to more people, gain more confidence.
Being at home, unable to work, is an awful situation to be in. I feel so relieved that I’ll be getting out of the house each day now and learning something new. I’ve got used to being in my own company so much that I’ve started to resent it rather than cherish it. I’ve forgotten what it was like to have that moment of pure contentment of being in your own company after a long day of being surrounded by others. I want that back. I want to enjoy being alone almost as much as I enjoy being around friends and family. And I think this new start might be the best thing that’s happened to me in a while. It’s something that I’ve needed for a while and it finally feels as though things might be changing for the better. Here’s hoping!